Or why I am [now] comfortable going out alone
Written last week, forgive the present feeling
Tonight I find myself at the O2 in Greenwich, waiting for little sister to come out from seeing Green Day. Yes, I am super jealous but am comforted in the knowledge that I get to go and see them in July [BST Hyde Park, yo!]
I’m quite content here: it’s taken a few years, but at nearly 25 I am quite happy to sit in a bar by myself, play about on my phone/read the paper/write. Yes, going out the first time alone was scary, but now it doesn’t phase me. Wanna know why?
The reasons are twofold.
- I was the obnoxious drinker sitting in front of me
Back in the day [last year and before] I’d have no qualms about getting gazeboed. I’d been the one making fun of the person sitting along, headphones in, solitary drink in front of them with their hobby. I’d sit there laughing too loudly at jokes that weren’t funny trying to impress boys I liked [as friends]. The laughs would coincide with the person doing something a bit awkward: we hadn’t noticed, it was pure coincidence, but I’m sure we made them uncomfy. By my own admission, I am not a self-confident person, so I can only imagine anyone with more anxiety than me would not be able to handle the above, and that someone more confident would not find it at all disturbing.
Knowing that the people in front of you have better things to do than laugh at you is something I have to remind myself of, and it really helps me when I get all self conscious.
- Gretchin Rubin [or as my autocorrect wants to call her, great chin rude bin [Gretchen, if you ever read this your chin is fab and I’m sure your bin is polite]
Mistakes happen. Me myself and I are at our most self conscious when we are alone and trying something new, such as NÜ-ING in the O2 which turned out to be full of suits and skinny heeled women without backpacks. In my woolly hat, trainers and giant backpack was OUT OF PLACE despite the sign ‘welcoming everyone’.#tangent
Gretchin talks through how others don’t notice our mistakes as much as we think they do, and that being self-conscious in the extreme can stop us progressing. If you haven’t read it, I recommend without reservation The Happiness Project.
As I’m waiting [yes I know, get out your tiny violins and play me a melody] the group have taken the writing of this post [20 mins] to coat up. Most of them have sat back down.
I can only hope I am progressing, and that that stage in my life is a distant past.
Am I growing up? Growing better, I hope.
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