Or why changing my weekly routine was the best decision
Life has been mega hectic over the last year or two. Graduation, job changes, a boyfriend and commuting to London meant I’ve been seeing my friends less and less.
Now, of course, it is my decision whether I go out and with whom [is that the right use? I never can get these things right!]. I know that, you know that, we all know that. For me, the aforementioned life changes altered the frequency with which I saw my pals. Like a glacier melting into the ocean, my friendships have eroded and crumbled: the foundations are still there, but all those years of building relationships have been damaged, plunging into the icy waves beneath.
I won’t delve into the causes, but what I will say it rekindling my friendships this year has been one of the best decisions I’ve made in recent weeks. My routine involved 5:30am alarm, 7am train, arriving back home at 7pm, having a chilled evening and going to bed by 9:30/10pm. Don’t get me wrong, that 2 hour window between train and bed could’ve [and should’ve] been used to visit people, go for a drink or dinner or whatever. The lure of my own time and other factors meant that I didn’t. Yes, I know, Captain Hindsight strikes again, and if I had my year again I’m sure the outcome would be different, but that’s the beauty of 20-20 rear view looking.
Despite being absent for months and months, I’ve been lucky enough to have friends that have welcomed me back without too much fuss or issue. What has been a real issue is my envy of my boyfriend’s easy closeness with his friends, and the frequency with which he sees them. It’s hard when what feels like the only person you want to see in the world isn’t around or invites you to meet up as a group when you’re not feeling it. This is something I really struggle[d] with, and if you’ve experienced the same thing and have any tips on how to get over this please let me know! If I’m honest, I’ve been envious right up until the point I decided enough was enough, and got myself back out there. The biggest struggle for me was getting myself to my plans.
Now, I love making plans but have become infamous for my last—minute cancellations: how much easier is it to go home or stay at home than get dressed and ready and go out?! I know though, once I am out my inner extrovert [oxymoron much?] will make an appearance and everything will turn out fine. To my detriment, I am a worrier. Will I have anything to say? What if I say something wrong? Two things: 1. Yes you will, and even if you don’t your friends will appreciate you being there/just turning up, and 2. Even if you do, people don’t fixate on your errors as much as you do. Do as they do, chill out and let it go. Remember, people remember how you made them feel more than what you said [unless you’re Trump & tweet everything/present ‘alternative’ facts [looking at you, Kelly-Anne Conway]].
My advice? Get out there, go see your friends and just be there! You never know what good stuff might happen. I promise it’ll get easier too. Practice has a funny way of helping like that.
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